Let's Be Real

Assalamualaikum

Hi there, howowyou? Okay, I do not intend to berseloroh in this post like my previous post. But sometimes, I hardly stay serious, still nak berannoying. Please bear with me if I accidentally made it here. This will be my third post and might be the last post for today. Well, just realised I'll be having another holiday on 25th so why the rush? haha.

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What's up with the title. Let's be real? I actually have received a plenty and the same-like statements made from people around me regardless of their age and gender. Which I would like to make this clear to those who are reading this. I know people meant it good but I just feel like I have to say. I am not having the same thought or feeling like them. And this post, is a message to my future man yang entah siapa ^^,. 

They say that, kalau ada lelaki dapat I, the man is lucky. They say the man is lucky to have me for what ever reasons they gave to me. I don't have to list them here. What's the point anyway. What is important is my future man punya penerimaan terhadap diri I yang tak seberapa ini. Ceh. Ok, let's be serious again. But I was serious sikit okay tadi just a little bit cringed with my own words lol. I memang tak seberapa pun, banyak lagi ruang to be improved along this journey till I meet you, and continue improving along the journey with you till my last breath. 

You know, it is not you that will be lucky. But it is me being lucky to have you. I do not really know why it is hard for me to trust a person, and to love someone. Is it because of the prayers I make everyday? To fall in love with the correct person and probably till now I haven't found one? God knows. Only Him knows. But when one day I decided to trust you and give my love to you, will be my luckiest day. Because that shows how trustworthy, loving, reliable and responsible you are. You just manly unlocked my heart. "YOU JUST UNLOCKED MY HEART", the day I'll be waiting for selagi nyawa dikandung badan. That shows how you manage to show me what is trust and love. That shows how you manage to teach me to give my trust and love to someone, and that someone is you, my future man. 

So ya, it is not him but me, the lucky one. I feel contrary with other people. The way they see it is different from the way I see. Gosh, I am now full of love that makes me one to be puitis tiberrr :P 

Let's be real, is what I have always wanted since I was small. That is why, I have no intention to have a boyfriend. The uncertainty (becoming my husband) for me is a waste of time. Hahaha. I hate to imagine hearing someone saying that "she (me) is my girlfriend" or "i am her (me) boyfriend". No. That is not my standard. No offense. I am not degrading the status of being someone's girlfriend or boyfriend. It's just not me to be someone's girlfriend. I like mature and serious relationship. In my love journey, I would like to skip that boyfriend-girlfriend part, I swear. Haha. If a person mature enough, boleh faham that boyfriend girlfriend is unnecessary.

I realised, I lagi tak suka when I have a bad experience about it. Dah pernah cerita. Takpe I cerita balik. When I was in standard 6, I don't know who but a boy just simply picked my name saying that I am his girlfriend, we are couple now to my childhood friend. Behind my back. My childhood friend started to cari pasal dengan I until form 2 or 3. I had not idea why he treated me so badly. What did I do? Until one day I got to know that he was so heartbroken with the false statement made by that unknown boy. My childhood friend liked me so yeah that explains. I did not know as well though until everything messed up. He was being so toxic and I cut him off, lost contact. I swear sampai sekarang teringat sedih gila. Like, he should ask me, get clarification instead of percaya buta-buta and lost this friendship. I tak rugi. Dia rugi. I jujur orangnya, and he failed to see hahahahaha. What a shame. >_< :P

If my future man has his past relationship/s, would I get jealous or insecure? Ye lah I takde kisah lampau untuk dikenang atau dibandingkan -_-.... The answer is definitely a NO. Insecure what-again? (You know if you read prev post) Hahaha. Sebab he has me now and I have him. Is it enough to answer? Hahaha. I am pretty much confident though with myself LOL. Tapi tak tahu lah kan manusia ni berubah. Tengok-tengok nanti timbul rasa insecure tu. But you know, I jenis tak layan that kind of perasaan sangat. Kalau ada pun I am just glad because isn't that means I love him? Gitchu. But not having any suspicious thing la. If i accept someone, it is because of his current and our futures. If he has failed past r/s (s), he can just learn from it not to repeat again with me :P , I am new so kasi la chance, beri tunjuk ajar :P See, I have special play card :P Sorry not sorry lol.

Having to know of his past relationship/s tak beri efek to me because when I have him, means I accepted him, when I accepted him, means he showed to me how serious he is to be with me. Kalau I tak nampak masakan I nak accept and to give my trust and love. Hahaha. My fasa kenal-kenal is not simply kenal-kenal at the same time I or him can just cuba kenal-kenal other person yang lain. My kenal-kenal means that I am serious to get to know you and won't playing around and he must do the same. Until one of us decided cannot go to the next phase, just be friends or until both of us decided we can go to the next phase. It is either one. I do not "venture" to couple thingy because I tak suka the idea of "ownership" as a couple. If you know what I meant. Kalau tak, sudah. Hahaha

I have to be transparent now. Actually ada je lelaki baik-baik datang. But you know, like I always say, tak semestinya orang tu baik untuk kita, kita juga baik untuk mereka and vice versa. What is important right now is the acceptance. Accept what? Kebaikan dan kekurangan dia. Dan dia juga menerima kekurangan dan kebaikan I. Menerima kebaikan, easy. Benda baik kan. Haha. But menerima kekurangan? Benda main dengan hati ni agak complex :)

For example, lelaki A kekurangan dia merokok. Lelaki B kekurangan dia juga merokok. But somehow, I can accept lelaki B daripada lelaki A. Why though? Kekurangan diorang sama je. Well, I don't know. "Mysteriously" I FEEL like I can just accept Lelaki B punya kekurangan. Hahahaha. That is one of the ways I can know that man probably a good jodoh to me. Benda ni variables, not everyone has the same hint or journey in meeting someone. Usually, it cannot be explained but the acceptance tu memang important.

I actually ada cakap pasal ni but tak ingat kat mana. Blog ke ig story ke or ig caption. Hahahaha. Lebih detail. Right now, I don't find the correct words and way to express. Hehew. But tu salah satu contoh acceptance lah. Ada yang lain, you guys might be more expert :P

Anyway, that is what I really wanted to tell. To tell my future man that if you dengar my side (friends la usually) cakap you are lucky to have me, no..I feel like I am the lucky one. But kalau good friends they will say you are so malang to have me. Please. Trust them separuh je. HAHAHA. 

Till then peeps and my future man ;)

Fi hifzillah wa fi amanillah. 

:: NN ::

Fears & Insecurities

Assalamualaikum

Hi there! This will be my second post. Do I have fears? No I don't. Ceh, mesti semua macam muhong aih dia ni! Because everyone has! Haha ya true enough. Fine. I have one.  Hahaha. Sekejap, relax dulu. Dengar penjelasanku hehe.

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So here's the thing. I did have fears. My first fear, I was scared of the dark. But not now. I managed to overcome that fear by putting myself in the dark for several of times. And taraaa! I am no longer scared of it! My second fear was the ghost. Siapa yang memang tak takut hantu tu? Ada ke? Ada je. I believe so, yang memang dah terbiasa or hati sejak azali kental. Haha. However, this is the weird thing. In jenis yang tak hide daripada my fears. Jenis confront. I hate to have fears because that make me a weak person. And orang boleh ambil kesempatan. So my ghost story ni bukanlah I pergi cari hantu and confront hantu tu. But somehow, just somehow dekat rumah lama In when I was 12 years old, tengah study dalam bilik sensorang and having loud musics (more like partying je haha), In di tegur oleh satu suara dan I swear goosebump gila. Suara sejenis satu makhluk halus, Allahu'alam. Benda tu suruh In diam dengan nada marah. Ape kau?! Hahahaha ceh, padahal terus tutup music and lari pi hall depan tengok TV dengan family sambil hati berdebar tapi muka maintained tenang. So due to that incident, surprisingly In dah tak takut hantu. Hahaha. When I say dah tak takut, I did not mean I ok je kalau nampak hantu. No. Na'uzubillah min zalik taknak tengok. Hahahaha. Cuma you know, I macam okay je la selagi tak nampak hantu kalau I rasa ada benda creepy2 disekeliling, diperhati (banyak kali gak ni kena), I am still okay. Gitulah. So apa yang terjadi tu ada hikmah syukur. Hahah

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So far itu je yang In ingat apa yang In takut. Ya, sikit je. Sebab In jenis yang redah je so macam takde la takut2 tu. And noooowww, one thing left. Lemas. In takut lemas sebab tak pandai berenang. Kahkahkah. I am thinking of overcoming it by enrolling a swimming class. Belajar berenang lah kalau nak overcome that one and only fear left. So I am looking for a personal class or private class only for women and pengajar dia juga a woman so that aurat I terjaga. Hahahaha. But not sure when and where. Cadang nak masuk next year but kena tengok budget and masa. So will see la how. But this definitely in my bucket list to do. But this is not the reason why I tak nak mandi laut or sungai. I memang tak suka mandi laut and sungai sebab I rasa macam kotor. Ya I tau la air mengalir haha. I boleh je join mandi sungai but not laut or pantai kot sebab that means I have to buka my stoking and I tak selesa pijak pasir and risau that will trigger my eczema as well. Having eczema is no joke guys. I have to be cautious not to trigger it sigh. Kalau tak hidup I susah. hahahahaha. Serius.

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So note that yes, I have one fear left which is afraid of drowning :P  I love to improve myself. Love to be a better version of me by overcoming my weaknesses/fears. I confront my fears, every single time. I challenge and say to myself "look, there is nothing for you to be afraid of. Told you so, you can do it." That is how I live my life so far. I am not heartless or that brave but I just go for it, just do it. There is a reason why I am in a certain situation. And Allah won't put me in a situation where I cannot handle it. So yeah, with that, I become stronger. 

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What about feeling insecure? Meh. Not really in my kamus kehidupan. Hahahaha acah gila statement. LOL. But seriously, I rarely have it. I just love and appreciate myself. No space nak rasa insecure. Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal. That is all I can say. I am just grateful dengan apa I ada. The thing is, I tak compare myself to anyone. I compare my current self dengan my old self. I watch my progress from my past to my current. Macam I kata, I suka improvement so what I should do is to compare dengan my old self lah. Why should I compare dengan orang lain? Hmmmm, no idea why should I. Hahah.

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My life motto apa? Pujian tak makan makian tak diheran bukan? Let me spill this tea. My current weight last time I checked two weeks ago kot was 51.2kg. I used to underweight and now I have normal BMI okay. Waktu I underweight, people be like, "you should gain some weight. Kurus sangat ni." , "kedingnya hang, makan la banyak sikit", "tak cantik la muka nampak cengkung macam tu, bagi la berisi sikit" AND MANY MORE. 

My situation now, actually ramai kekawan lelaki I yang sengal je banyak tegur. Hahahaha. 

"Nampak bulat"

"Muka dah bulat"

"Pipi penuh"

"Penuh screen"

"Gemuk"

"Dah gemuk ya, bahagia ke"

"Double chin"

AND MANY MORE

I get a lot from my parents juga -____- 

While my female friends pula still kata I cantik even I berisi sikit kat muka. Elok macam ni compared to dulu. Diorang kata I still nampak kurus, and muka je berisi sikit but cantik je. Elok macam ni and many more.

Two opinions from two genders. Hahahaha. But know what? LIKE I CARE. Hahaha. The important thing is what I see, what I feel and what I care. Hahaha. Apa reaksi I to them?

"So?"

"Cantik je"

"Still comel"

You see, I did whine kata makin berisi dan nak diet and gi gym. But that is not because of them but because of me. I feel less fit macam dulu. Stamina I turun. And yes I tak suka la nampak double chin ketara sangat sometimes -___-. BUT, I still feel that I am pretty and cute. And nice. And good. And just okay. And happy. And yeah all sejenis pujian yang I nak puji diri sendiri. Hahahahaha. 

I have that such confidence like hanya Allah sahaja yang tahu dari mana I dapat or belajar lol. But please, this is to self motivate and self love, not to boast to anyone. Nanti jadi lain. Jadi penyakit hati. only use it when someone is "attacking" you. Show that their opinions not that important to you. Everyday i start my Subuh prayer dengan doa macam ni. 

"Ya Allah ya Tuhankan. Syukur alhamdulillah buat hari ini (masih hidup). Syukur alhamdulillah atas segala nikmat yang telah Engkau berikan. Ampunilah dosa-dosa kedua ibu bapa ku dan dosa-dosaku. Aku perbaharui iman ku dengan laillahaillallah. Ya Allah, Kau rawatlah dan bersihkanlah hatiku dengan segala jenis penyakit hati."

I'll stop there, for this sake of sharing. The last sentence is IMPORTANT, at least for me. Sebab when I simply saying ke orang bila orang ngusik I kan , "aku still cantik je" , "aku still comel". What is the harm? Takut ada penyakit hati disitu. That is only how I play defense and to shut people up, nothing more but benda kat dalam diri kita yang kita tak nampak or tak sedar, we'll never know kan? So I takkan lupa doa tu takut-takut hati I terjebak dengan penyakit hati. Haha. Be moderate okay. I jenis pemalu if orang puji actually like errr..... but if orang nak ngutuk or ngusik I, I takkan bagi ruang for them having fun of it. Say no to body shaming. I am okay. Hati kental ceh. Sebab I ada self confidence yang tinggi heh. But what IF diorang buat dekat orang lain yang sensitif, yang tak ada that high self confidence. Isn't it sad? Akan discourage them and you help nothing but only make them feel down and less beautiful/handsome. Tu yang buat orang lagi insecure. That is not nice. If you have nothing nice to say, keep quiet. 

So my point is kita tak akan ada that "useless" insecurity kalau kita stop comparing ourselves with other people. Belajar to see the beautiful and handsome in you. Apparently or in the inside. Appreciate it, be grateful and have that trust and belief that you are beautiful and handsome just the way you are. C'mon, Allah yang cipta kita. Takkan tak molek ;) You know, beautiful and handsome ni kan subjektif. Kalau memang you rasa diri you apparently kurang, but takkan you takde confidence yang lain? Attitude? Orang kata you tak cantik, you balas la "but attitude I comel". Just keep replying positive things that you see IN YOU. Orang kata you pendek, you balas "itu yang buat I comel." Orang kata you tinggi sangat, you balas, "But itulah buat I cantik/handsome". Kalau you dah confident, diorang nak cakap apa lagi? They are plain speechless LOL. Examples lah. 

Another thing, don't I get insecure when I have acne/pimples, and the damn scars? Also to any other issues related to "beauty" yang orang akan ukur kita. Cis. Hahaha. No, I don't. I hate to see them on my face like seriously. Apa masalah acne and the scars ni??! Hahaha. But I tak rasa insecure pun. What can I do? There are things out of my control. Macam berat badan I. I jaga, but dia nak naik juga. Hahahaha. Some things are beyond our control even we already took the precautions. So just embrace them and treat them dengan sabar..... hahahaha

BUT... I ni manusia biasa. I ada feeling insecure I dengan cara tersendiri. Eh gitu pun boleh. Haha ya. But me feeling insecure not due to orang lain but myself. For example, bila my eczema flares up. Itu selalunya akan buat I feeling insecure. I rasa macam nak duduk rumah je. Sebab tangan I akan naik biji-biji tau due to allergy reactions. So I akan rasa insecure nak jumpa orang bila I have to use my hand macam salam ke apa. I personally tak suka. Bukan berjangkit ke apa -___-, I selalu jumpa orang yang faham je but I still tak selesa la. Satu lagi self confidence I memang akan turun sebab I macam hm, ramai ke tahu eczema ni apa and macam mana? Kalau orang tengok what would they say and anggap? Having eczema memang tak boleh lari dari psychological and social issues. Facts. I admit it. Me having insecurity bila my eczema flares up. haha. I akan struggle a lot, tapi I tak tunjuk. It is a lonely fight, I tell you. Hahahaha. Sebab tu I selalu juga educate people pasal eczema. Just to make myself feel better and confident juga. ^_^ Also, eczema is something beyond my control as well. I keep saying this to myself untuk I feel less insecure. I mean, that is true right. 

I think setakat tu je I nak share mengenai post ni. Konklusinya, what I want to urge is that for all of you to love yourself. Do not let people define you and measure your standard. You define YOU. You measure your OWN standard. Do not let them trespass your confidence and self love okay?! Learn it and your life will be way better. Tenang dan aman. Bahagia. Macam I. HAHAHA. Remember, some things are just beyond our control so EMBRACE and ACCEPT them.

Okay till then, take care.

:: NN ::

Humans Trafficking

Assalamualaikum

Hi all. I am back with pretty much posts TODAY. This will be my first post. I actually promised to share this a few weeks back and on my IG story but somehow I did not manage to find a good time to construct it properly. And I decided to share it here due to another reason that my phone lcd is acting up. It is pretty difficult to type especially when I am going to use the side keys, it is hardly detect. New phone? Nah, I don't have much money to buy a new one and not in my priority list too lol. Enough saying, I am about to start my sharing on the first topic for today's post: Humans Trafficking.

I believe many of us are only familiar that all victims of trafficking are abducted. Well that pretty much be conveyed on TVs. However, it is NOT TRUE. The fact is those who migrate legally can be victims of trafficking as well. It is also NOT TRUE that all the victims are trafficked for the purpose of sexual exploitation (which is quite widely familiar to us). Hence, men also can be the victims. Trafficking is a worldwide problem.

It should be noted that humans trafficking is a criminal act. It violates human rights and also a form of exploitation. There are several types of humans trafficking such as:-

• Forced begging
• Forced labor
• Sexual exploitation
• Domestic servitude
• Forced, underage marriage
• Baby selling

Yes, thus it is not only for sexual exploitation as we saw on TVs (in movies mostly). Trafficked persons can be:-

• Male & Female
• Adult & Children
• Foreigners & Nationals
• A stranger, Family & Friend
• Migrant with legal migration status
• Migrant with illegal migration status or having no documents
• Smuggled migrants

It should be noted that not all trafficking occurs in the same way or situation. The local context and specific situation will determine who is most at risk and how they are exploited. Hence, it is a case to case basis. 

What are the most commonly causes of the root?

• Poverty
• Unemployment/lack of opportunities
• Social and cultural practices such as marginalisation/subordination of women, selling young women by their own families and others. 

There is actually a term which has known to be push and pull factors. What are these factors?

Push Factors

• Poverty and desperation
• Lack of education
• Unemployment
• Gender discrimination
• Domestic violence
• Live with dysfunctional families
• Impact of conflict or transition on countries
• Lack of opportunity for legal migration
• Low salary or sorts

These are among the Push factors that have pushed many people to get involved in trafficking. They have become the victims by their own choice due to the circumstances mentioned above.

Pull Factors

• Expectation of employment and financial reward including in the sex industry
• Growing demand for commercial sex with children associated with the tourist trade of Paedophilia
• Access to material benefits associated with a more affluent country
• Improved social position and treatment
• Perceived 'glamour' of a different daily life
• Demand of 'House Maids' work for women
• Demand of cheap labour

These are other factors that pull them to be involved in trafficking with or without them realising it. 

What are the consequences for the victims? Well, violation of human rights, no protection of labour laws, sexual and physical abuse or coercion, irregular status in the country of destination, victims treated as criminals, having risk or danger health and serious diseases physically as well as mentally, and last but not least difficult reintegration or stigmatisation. 

Talking about abuse and coercion. It can be other forms like excessive working hours, freedom of movement that is totally or partially denied, verbal or psychological abuse, not allowed to keep earned money or debt, sexual abuse or rape, forced substance abuse, deprivation of adequate food or water and lack of access to health care.

In regards of health risks, it depends. For example, due to physical abuse and deprivation may lead to physical health problems including death, contusions, cuts, burns or broken bones. When it involves threats, intimidation and abuse may lead to mental health problems including suicidal thought and attempts, depression, anxiety, hostility, flashbacks and re-experiencing symptoms. If it is specifically sexual abuse, it can lead to sexually transmitted infections that includes HIV. Others are like pelvic inflammatory disease, infertility, vaginal fistula, unwanted pregnancy, unsafe abortion and poor reproductive health. 

Should be noted that women that trapped in sex trafficking may have sex addiction. The solution is to bring them for a therapy session(s). You know, we all have this kind of 'addiction' when we are used to something. For example, those who smoke. So same goes to these women. "We only smoke, not doing any illegal sex." No issue is worse than another. Look for solutions than pointing out which is worse just to make ourselves to feel better. That is one evil thing a person can do, I must say. Again, just an example. Also, an example of pre-trafficking health risk where a certain condition influence a person's vulnerability to being trafficked is like when a girl has lack of love and hence will do anything for her boyfriend (to get attention and the love she has always wanted) that will then eventually traps in sex trafficking.

To be more specific, the victims may face several reactions. Firstly, as stated above, psychological reactions as follows:-

• Post-trauma stress symptoms or PTSD
• Anxiety 
• Depression
• Suicidal thought
• Hostility or symptoms of Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED)

Secondly, the emotional reactions as follows:-

• Fear of retribution by trafficker, of being criminally prosecuted and punished and of being thought of as a prostitute
• Guilt for allowing oneself to be deceived, for violating the law and/or religious beliefs, for failing to raise the money needed by the family
• Anger with themselves for getting into this type of a situation, with those who did not defend them and with society in general

Lastly, behavioral reactions as follows:-

• Cognitive and memory problems
• Withdrawal, irritability or aggression
• Apathy or resignation
• Helplessness, submissiveness 
• Dis-empowerment

So, by looking at the consequences we may say that there are some reasons why the victims do not leave. For example, restricted movement like be kept in a restricted area to limit contact with the community and to extract the maximum work. Another example when their passports and documents are taken. So they have fear of be seen as migration (illegal) and of the law enforcement by the authorities in the country. Lastly, might be because of violence and abuse in which they are in poor condition and having lack of access to health services.

Besides having consequences on the victims, this also affects the countries of origin, transit and destination. This leads to the increase of irregular migration, growth and diversification of criminal organisation/activities as well as violation of national legislation on migration, labour and human rights.

In addition, trafficked persons don't self-identify because of the following reasons:-

• Fear their traffickers
• May not see themselves as victims
• May suffer 'Stockholm Syndrome' (developed a misguided attachment to the trafficker)
• May have post traumatic stress disorder and memory loss
• May not trust immigration and police
• May feel responsible for a family debt
• May not speak local language/cultural differences
• May be confused with prohibited/irregular migrant

It is hence important for us to identify trafficked persons. They are of the victims of organised crime and may have serious security concerns as well as information about criminal groups that they are willing to share. The victims also may have the urgency in requiring specialised treatment and care. This identification can help to build case data for policy and programming purposes too. 

You know, once a person is identified as a trafficked victim, the person is then offered protection, security and assistance. 

Section 44 of Anti-Trafficking in Persons and Anti-Smuggling of Migrants  Act 2007 (Act 670)

Interim Protection Order

(1) An enforcement officer may, on reasonable suspicion that any person who is found or rescued is a trafficked person, take that person into temporary custody and produce him before a Magistrate within twenty-four hours, exclusive of the time necessary for the journey to the Magistrate’s Court, for the purpose of obtaining an interim protection order.

(2) The Magistrate shall make an interim protection order for the person to be placed at a place of refuge for a period of fourteen days for the purpose of carrying out an investigation and enquiry under section 51. 

(3) The enforcement officer shall, upon obtaining the order issued under subsection (2), surrender the trafficked person to a Protection Officer to place that trafficked person at the place of refuge specified in the order.

Section 43 of Anti-Trafficking in Persons and Anti-Smuggling of Migrants  Act 2007 (Act 670)

Protection Officers

(1)  Social Welfare Officers or any other public officers to exercise the powers and perform the duties of a Protection Officer under this Act subject to any condition as may be specified in the notification. 

(2) The Protection Officer shall— 

(a) have control over and responsibility for the care and protection of the trafficked person at the place of refuge; 

(b) carry out an enquiry and cause to be prepared a report of the trafficked person as required under this Act; 

(c) have the power to supervise the trafficked person upon order by the Magistrate or direction by the Minister; and 

(d) have such other powers, duties and functions as the Minister may prescribe.

In conclusion, trafficked persons experience the cumulative effects of physical and psychological violence with significant health consequences. Hence, health care is essential to the recovery of trafficked persons. 

All of these information are basically from what I have learnt throughout my duty at Tenaganita (Women's Force), Penang. I hope this post can be a little bit of an eye opening and help many people to understand this issue better. Let us be less ignorant and care on what is happening around the world, closely around us. With that, I shall hope to see a better world for our next generation(s).

Thank you.

:: NN ::

Wan I Miss You

Assalamualaikum

Hi semua. Hows your life? Mine kinda good. Just busy with some stuffs ^_^. My post today is something personal that I feel today.

Harini my Dad pergi pasar. He met Toksu (adik beradik arwah Wan). The first thing she asked was me. When I heard that, I felt so touched. You know, losing you Wan was so difficult for me although I managed to smile and laugh. My life has changed tremendously. Sometimes, I feel so lonely without you. I feel so lost and do not know what to do without you. Because you always have the answer to my questions. Just like Google! 

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You know, today I feel this bizarre feeling again. I don't feel anything but it hurts. Sometimes, the memori-memori dengan Wan membawa senyuman dan tawa. But there are still times membawa tangisan. The fact that you are no longer here with me still membawa kesedihan. Dah berapa tahun Wan? Too soon, too soon. Tak puas. I still need you. Maybe sebab tu rasa sedih tiba-tiba. Mungkin Tuhan nak kata I should stop to feel and think such way and what I need is only Allah. 

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Today, rasa macam dah dapat lagi satu jawapan. Wan, I think all those times Wan sebenarnya tahu what I am like. Segala usikkan Wan tu, sebab Wan tahu diri ni bagaimana. Wan, I promised to myself untuk realisasikan usikkan Wan tu. Tapi kan Wan, still nowhere to be found lah ^^'' haha. Wan, lepas Wan pergi I am not sure anymore about things I did and will do. Dulu ada Wan untuk meluahkan dan berkongsi. Mendengar pandangan. Sekarang no one I can rely and trust. It's just so difficult. Jadi hanya Allah tempat mengadu dan meluahkan. 

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Wan, mula-mula Wan pergi dulu lepas a few months Maktok menyusul. Lepas tu Nenek (moyang). Lepas tu Tokngah. Terkilan waktu pemergian Tokngah. Tak dapat hantar Tokngah pergi Makkah. Tahu-tahu je dah tak balik :') ... Tapi sebab Tokngah pergi dengan mulia sekali dan di tanah suci, senang untuk redha. Tapi still sedih. I miss everyone. Sedih sangat bila all the elders pergi seorang demi seorang sebab I still need doa-doa from the elders. Setiap tahun ada yang pergi Wan. Baik disebelah Abah mahupun disebelah Emak. Tapi tak apa lah, buat apa lama-lama didunia yang semakin merapu dan tenat ini, Wan. Baik berehat disisi Allah. But still, I hope Toksu terus sihat dan dipanjangkan usia because cucu-cucu Toksu still ada masih kecil and I want them to feel the love from a grandparent, make memories with Toksu lagi banyak.

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Wan, I feel so tired this month. Maybe sebab tu juga affect my emotion and mental sampai teringatkan Wan dan again rasa macam how I wish Wan ada. Wan, tak lama dulu ada interview this one suspect di charged atas memiliki dadah. Seorang pakcik around 40+ I think, tak ingat umur dia. Anak dia ada didalam penjara atas sebab ambil dadah. After end of the interview session kan Wan, you know what... Pakcik tu cakap

'Nanti bila awak kahwin, janganlah bagi atuk nenek jaga anak awak'

I smirked. Malas nak cakap banyak. I disagree, Wan. Senangnya putting the blame on other people. Not sure grandparents dia maksudkan itu mak ayah dia atau mentua dia but still. Mungkin penyesalan dia hanya sebab biar mak ayah dia jaga anak dia dan anak dia tersasar dari jalanan. Dia tak sedar, bukan itu punca utamanya. Sebenarnya dari didikkan dia sendiri walaupun beri mak ayah dia jaga anaknya. Anak itu bukan sekadar anugerah dan amanah tetapi boleh jadi ujian buat kita. Lupa nak tanya, dia solat ke tak. Selalunya kan Wan, apabila ibu bapa tak solat, anaknya juga sama dan seterusnya, tahu-tahulah apa jadi dengan mereka dan keluarga. 

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Sebenarnya kan Wan, my point is I live sampai sekarang dengan didikkan Wan yang dapat every weekend and during the school holidays when I stayed with you. Dengan berbekalkan nasihat dan pandangan Wan, diri ini jadi manusia sebegini sekarang disebabkan itu Wan. Nasihat dan ajaran Wan dan Maktok. Kedua-duanya. Both of you gave good examples to me. I picked up a lot from both of you. Every weekend jumpa Wan dan Maktok. Cuti sekolah panjang duduk dengan Wan and Maktok with other cousins. In fact, akak Munira kecil-kecil tinggal dan dijaga Wan dan Maktok. Elok saja akak. Nak kahwin dah pun. In syaa Allah dengan orang yang baik. Dan akan jaga dia baik-baik sepertimana keluarga menjaga dia. ^_^. 

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Orang selalu tanya macam mana diri ni matang dari usia. One of the reasons sebenarnya sebabkan Wan. Wan selalu bersembang dan tanya to me like an adult. Wan selalu handle diri ni like an adult or a friend. Bila dah besar ni, I like the way how you did not let my hand go selagi tak jawab soalan Wan. When you asked in English, I must replied in English. Kalau replied bahasa Melayu, tak dilepas tangan ni. Hahaha. If I were to find a man to marry, I would like that man to resemble you. Sedikit pun tak pe sebab tahu susah cari orang macam Wan ni ;) One in a million. Maktok beruntung! Sebab tu Maktok pun tak boleh pisah dengan Wan lama-lama dan menyusul Wan. Hm, sweet. Hahaha.

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Okay Wan, I know you cannot read this. But the possibility for Allah to let you know what I feel ni, Allahu'alam. Ouh ya, sampai sekarang kan Wan... hari yang mimpikan Wan tu dan Wan peluk tu. Sampai sekarang masih terasa kehangatan pelukkan Wan. Felt so real, Wan. And everytime terasa kehangatan tu, I thank Allah. Rasa macam the best gift ever from Allah. Semoga Allah lapangkan kubur Wan, Maktok, Nenek, Tokngah, Kakek, Nek Piah, Uncle Aleng, Uncle Zahrin, Paklang Syukri, Pandak Zaini, Wan Shukor dan lain-lain. I miss all of you. Semoga kalian semua berada dalam keadaan baik-baik di alam sana dan moga-moga kita bakal jumpa di syurga nanti. One of the motivations I want to do goods in this life is because dengan harapan nak masuk syurga jumpa balik semua ahli keluarga. Semoga diri ini sentiasa berada di jalan yang benar dan berada dalam rahmat dan jagaan Allah. I need that, to see all of you again. 

Till then. Have a really good rest, there.

:: NN ::

Perspective: Is This A Discrimination?

Assalamualaikum

They are looking for a cook and the requirement is to pray 5 times a day (for a Muslim, obviously). So, is this a discrimination? What do you think?

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At first instant,  I would say it is discriminative by nature. This is because everyone is free to choose on how they want to practice their religion. But I would love to add something on my opinion or perspective.

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The thing is I would love to look at this in a positive way. First and foremost, it's up to the employers to put any and what kind of requirements they want. This does not come from me but you people out there. For me personally, no harm for putting such requirement "someone that prays 5 times a day". This is because for Muslims, it is compulsory to pray 5 times a day. I take this as an encouragement and an opportunity for someone to practice Islam better. 

The key words here are "ENCOURAGEMENT" , "OPPORTUNITY" , "BETTER PRACTICE".

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Whoever has a desire to be a better Muslim and at the same time having a job that totally gives you the space to practice your religion correctly , this is the best job, probably. What a golden opportunity. I bet their target people are Muslims, so they put it that way. It is said that Muslims must do dakwah also in any way so long it doesn't against Islam and I find this way is a good way as well. 

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Every Muslim has their own story or starting point in becoming a better Muslim. Some are getting by force before they sincerely doing it. Some are just plainly doing in season such as during Ramadhan. What I would like to say is that this can be a turning or starting point for someone to be a better Muslim by praying 5 times a day. He or she might not prayed 5 times before but after getting this job they obey. For me what matters is the end result. Doesn't matter how you start but how do you end it.

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It is not like you have been forced to do something which is not compulsory such as fasting on Monday and Thursday (puasa sunat), or solat Dhuha everyday (solat sunat waktu pagi). If that kind of requirement, yes I might disagree as that totally up to oneself to do or not to do. But praying 5 times a day is not a man law but Allah's law. It is compulsory (wajib) and for a Muslim to against such requirement, I find it weird. For me, it eases a Muslim to practice Islam. 

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Just look at other companies that way more discriminative and unfair by not allowing a Muslim to pray, or cover herself (scarf or tudung). Such requirements are way.... way..... unacceptable. People are going to say, "Oh that because the company is owned by a non-Muslim". Heh? That is the REAL discriminating by not allowing a Muslim to practice Islam freely and correctly. Even there are more like this even the companies owned by Muslims. What a disappoinment. There is also companies that put the requirement "Chinese only". Okay. As people out there said, that is the employer's right to put such requirement. But happened to be they did not state but during the interview, "Ouh we only want Chinese". This happened widely, so many times. Compared to a company wants Muslim only. I think this is the first I see putting such requirement "someone that prays 5 times a day" (portraying wanting a Muslim). The requirement suits for a Muslim.

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I see no harm or problem with it. Compared to other companies and many Muslims are having a hard time to get a job and even they got the job but very hard to practice Islam correctly. This is totally sad and more worrying. This Mukha Cafe issue? Nothing more than just a very good news for Muslims.

Again, I humbly giving this as my personal opinion and perspective. I respect their stance and courage. I respect their strong belief and hard work. I see this as an encouragement, opportunity and a place for Muslims to be practice Islam better.

:: NN ::

Latest Update

Assalamualaikum

Hi there, it's me after a long time. Maaf agak lama menghilang juga since the last post. Alhamdulillah sihat. KNOW WHAT, I am DONE WITH MY DEGREE (since before Hari Raya dulu) yeay! So what's next? 

I'm currently doing my chambering in a law firm situated in Penang, but not in island. I'll talk more about my chambering after done with all the formalities and I believe not everyone knows or understands what chambering (latihan dalam kamar) is all about. So, I'll do a special post for it but can't promise when.

But for a side note, because I have not gotten my release letter from my university yet, sooo I am likely doing an attachment in the firm. So chambering supposedly to be done for 9 months but only when I have sent the Form 1 and Form 2. Just forget about the formalities 'details' but roughly saying I am not yet officially doing my chambering and I can change to a new firm if I want to so long before the Form 1 and Form 2 and those Forms need my release letter. 

Ok done with that. Words kinda messed up there I guess because I'm rushing HAHA.

I wouuuuuld lllllove to share on my thoughts like what I really want to do in futures or as much like now and what exactly I want in this life. I want to live my life correctly. It's okay to do mistakes along the way though but I want the mistakes come from my own decision, not someone else. Then I cannot put the blame on anyone and not on me too, but I'll just learn from my own mistakes and let them go. Sooo I'll share my thoughts or dreams and whatnots on my next post soon in syaa Allah.

I am actually so simple but it gets complicated when other people get 'into me' and that is so nerve-racking and also can go to the extend that pissed me off. Everything is so messed up and confused, you know. 

Anyway, I'll be graduating soon in October in syaa Allah. I hope everything goes smoothly. Just pray the best for me, aite? I hope the best too for everyone. 

Much love, 

:: NN ::

Appreciation Post [4]

Assalamualaikum

Hi! I promise to myself to breakthrough the record in updating my blog this year. I'm gonna update as much as possible with more educational stuffs and discussions, perhaps? This will be my last appreciation post. I'm gonna talk about two people here, my two dearly friends. 

First and foremost I'm gonna shout out to both of them Tiqhot and Khalili who were always there for me before especially during mid sem break and sem break. In other words, when we were all together in Kulim. Hahahaha. Kalau lah ada anugerah setia kawan 2018/2019, I'm gonna give them the award! Hahaha

Lemme talk about Tiqhot first. Tiqhot (God knows how to pronounce this) hahaha because I'm not calling her with the name. The name I picked from her Twitter haha! Just for fun under this post. We've been friends since forever. Dari perut Mak kitorang. Nah kidding! Haha. Since we were in standard one. Jodoh kuat jugak lah sebab most of the time dari sekolah rendah ke sekolah menengah kitorang berada dalam kelas yang sama. Masuk pengakap sama. Sama-sama~ mengejar mimpi~ sama-sama~ ...yeah that song just came out of nowhere. Haha

Terpisah jauhhhh....waktu form 4 and form 5. Takde la jauh mana sebab terpisah kelas je kahkah. Tuition still sama... dapat tempat di Matrik pun sama but nay, I didnt go to Matrikulasi, remember? Dia pergi! Haha. Despite for some years till now dah terpisah jauh sebab she's currently doing her Degree at UM kos in Kimia something something but we still keep in touch. Thru Twitter, Instagram, WhatsApp well well you name it. 

She's my coffee date guys! Cakap nak lepak minum kopi je I roger her, she rogers me we roger-roger... Tempat selalu lepak minum kopi McD or Blackwood. Dia la rajin melayan aku...cravings aku...kutip dan heret aku pi mana-mana since currently I don't have my own transportation. Soo gitchu laaa... Thanks baby sebab tak jemu dengan I, sabar melayan I mmuah mmuahh... Andai kau lelaki sudah ku masuk meminang mu.... kahh!

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Selain diaaa........ we usually lepakinggg together juga with this one bright girl juga namanya Khalili. Since Khalili, bukan Khalil, so this friend of mine is a SHE ok. Hahah...sebab ada orang confused ingat bila iols update story nama Khalili depa ingat laki soo no no... 

I like having a conversation with her. She has so many things in mind and soalan dia selalu buat minda ku berhubung... sometimes I need a moment to think nak jawab soalan dia. What I like about her and EVERYONE must have this dalam diri korang is when you're in doubt or tertanya-tanya on something pasal seseorang, you JUST ASK DIRECTLY to that person. Bukan pi tanya orang lain. Have some respect and sense guys~... Even when you heard something about a person from another person, if you want to trust it, you should double check from the person him/herself beforehand~ She's like that!

Dia selalu tanya aku terus. Kalau ada orang cakap pasal aku, dia selalu tanya aku juga for confirmation. She's having that common sense and being so responsible... And she respects my likes and dislikes. Benda aku pernah kongsi ke dia yang aku tak suka, dia tak buat pun. I mean, Gosh isnt she is sooooo nice??? Some people tahu kita tak suka sesuatu tu but they just do to us directly or behind us :< I hate it...then from the first place you shouldn't have asked my likes and dislikes ke ape kan... huhuhu... so she's a keeper and a person I can trust on in syaa Allah.

I mean, I always make this obvious and directly say to my friends...if you wanna know anything or something about me, you should ask me. I'm open and I can give you enough and true sohih jiddan information. I wont lie. And if ada benda aku tak boleh bagitau, orang lain juga takkan ada information tu and you won't get it anywhere except from me LOL. Kalau ada maklumat aku tak bagi because you thought tak cukup, yeah memang mana-mana kawan sampai situ sahaja lah... hahaha. Kalau ada orang lain bagi info lebih, you better think twice to trust or not to trust.

 Hearsay is a hearsay guys and you're less cerdik enough to blindly trust. Because minda manusia makin lama dia dah macam lemah and bercampur aduk... they tend to miss out something or exaggerate... The best is only relying on me when the things are about me. haha. Khalili understands this very well. That's why I say she's so bright and have the common sense. Dengan Khalili tak payah nak ulang benda yang sama banyak kali hahaha. Dia dengaq, dia hadam...hahah

Khalili pun rajin melayan aku...kitorang study tempat yang sama di Ganu cuma universiti dan kos yang berbeza. Tapi univesiti kitorang pun like sebelah-sebelah...almost. I mean, I don't have to be so specific here kan, asalkan you get the point WE ARE CLOSE ENOUGH. hahahaha...but currently she's having her internship kat Kulim so I dont have anybody here anymore in Terengganu. Kenot lepak makang or mengkopi di McD or somewhere here in Ganu. Or lepak pantai and sorts. Dihh... I'm all alone :( .... 

I really like her sharings, anything laa especially pasal apa dia belajaq or experienced. Love listening to her stories. Kat Kulim pun selain Tiqhot dia rajin kutip heret aku pi mana-mana kahkahkah... and rajin layan cravings aku...or haritu aku nak gi Cherok Tokkun you know, but susah nak kumpul semua sekali dengan kekawan lain kasi onz then she hits me up kata jom lah siapa tak boleh tu tak apa kita pergi je. OMG I'm in love with this girl....andai kau lelaki sudahku masuk meminang juaaa.. eh banyak pula aku nak pinang kahkahkah... but plot twist la tak jumpa-jumpa pulek Cherok Tokkun tu so pergi kat Bt apa tah nama hahah dengan Tiqhot sekali! Next time joms?

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I'm really thankful for their kindness and their time(s) for me... I hope I'm a good friend to them as well. Y'know a good friend is always there for their friends and make time for their friends no matter what. We can always choose. I will always choose to make time for them as well when they need me. Contact when needed and kasi jumpa sampai jadi hahaha. As much as they sacrifice or put the efforts in this friendship, I hope I'm being and doing the same as well to them. Thank you thank you thank you so much weh Tiqhot and Khalili... you guys are the best so far hahaha!

Till we meet again okay mmmuahhh! Love nyak nyakkkk

:: NN ::

Appreciation Post [3]

Assalamualaikum

Hi there, I'm back after one year from the last post, I think. I'm currently in my last semester for final year so do pray for me. Hehehe. 

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My third appreciation post goes to

 

Yup, my happy pill. I can't really remember if I ever posted anything about you here hehe. But okay today I decided to. I usually convey my appreciation directly and privately to him. Actually the picture already tells everything what I feel about you. And you know better. 

I am not sure whether you remember when was the first time we knew each other. It was the day I did something crazy and you kindly layan je. Hahaha. I was a total stranger to you at that time but seeing you replied to me that soft and kind, okay I knew it you are a good person. 

You know it all started with your parents. (Ouh yes now I remember I posted one post about you before this hahahaha!) Well, initially I fell for your parents. Wait, I'm not saying like now I fell for you, bruh. Hahahahaha! It's just now more than your parents, you're now in it too and as my happy pill. You know what I meant by saying you are my happy pill because I did tell you and I did ask your permission to be my happy pill. Haha. 

I still have the all warm words from your late father and your mother. Sometimes, I get in touch with your elder sister too. Sometimes I can see she is having a hard time and I promised myself to be there for her like giving some warm words too like how you and your parents directly or indirectly did to me. I really appreciate of all your sharings and stories. 

You know what, happy pill... it does not matter how I truly feel. And it also does not matter how you truly feel. Because all I want is the best for you even if I am not the one that is the best for you. It's okay. Allah knows how sincere I am praying this for you. If you are happy, I am happy. I don't ask you to be part of me but just let me know you are okay and alive of course, in any way. Hahahaha. 

Well well... I have a lot of things to say but you know, I am more comfortable to tell you everything privately. Soooooooo, bilakah? Heh heh. Byeee and take careeee! Kerja elok-elok. Well I know you will. But still, I'm gonna wish it. Ok. It's hard to stop because this is about you but okay I will stop now...like seriously...okay bye. Fi amanillah. 

::NN::