Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Appreciation Post [1]

Assalamualaikum

Hi semua. Long time no see. Busy. Sedikit perkembangan tentang diri, sekarang saya dah masuk third year degree. Alhamdulillah. Semoga segalanya dipermudahkan dan dapat graduate tepat pada waktunya yea in syaa Allah aamiin Allahumma aamiin. 

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Saya dalam mood nak buat appreciation post untuk orang-orang yang saya masih ingat, terhutang budi, sayang (?) dan seumpamanya lah. So this person came to my mind quite frequent lately. This person is a friend of mine and this friend is a He. hahah. Banyak kenangan ada dengan dia. I still remember most of them. Ada yang tak ingat and I do not know why. Felt like getting an amnesia lewls. (Sebab jarang iols lupa kenangan). So yeah. Probably there must be something wrong with me? ^^''' 

Anyway, I would like to thank him alot. I can't tell this to him personally secara tiba-tiba sebab, dia mungkin akan fikir ke arah lain like , "why so sudden?" Gitchu. Satgi dia ingat bebukan pulek. I started with this guy because like I said lately when I do a lot of thinking, he came first. As this post meant to be an indirect appreciation post, anggaplah post ini as I say to him personally. So after this I'll use "aku-hang".  If you read this, acknowledge this and thought it could be you, do let me know so that I'll know "Ouh, orang yang sepatutnya baca dah baca dan apa aku rasa tentang dia sampai ke empunya appreciation post' Gitchu. 

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Aku, masih ingat macam mana kita mula berkawan. Apabila hang tiba-tiba called aku dan menangis sebab putus cinta or more likely had an issue with your girlfriend. I was confused at that time sebab time tu kita tak rapat sangat and that was so sudden. Sudah la time tu aku tengah dengan kekawan Asasi. Hahahaha. (Bang! You are the only one guy yang pernah menangis dekat aku sebab putus cinta. So if you read this, and remember this thing, yes I'm talking about you.) Chill, people won't know. 

As you know, selepas kita habis SPM aku masuk Asasi Undang-Undang, mannn that was not easy. I mean, belajar perundangan time tu walaupun ASASI JE. But you were there. Indeed, at first I helped you. Went through all sort of things but that was nothing compared to how you helped me through during my Asasi. How you helped me with my research. Remember? Pasal the word "Allah" used by Christians? Yes. That one. There was one time I had a hard time and you came to see me by surprise (?) with food, doughnuts kot. How considerate and to be honest I appreciate what you did there the most. 

You are a good guy. But that doesn't mean you are not annoying lewls. Of course, kita ada on and off. Gaduh baik or kalau tak gaduh pun more likely berdebat cemtu but sedikit sebanyak damn it's annoying and hurt. Hahaha. And kekadang the jokes terlebih sampai aku tak rasa that as a joke but aku cool je until that one time i felt that's it. Sebab tu ada masa bila hang melawak aku balas semberono or tak balas. Yyeah. Tak nak gaduh over petty things so I chose that way. I sorted my feeling that way. Didn't want to put the blame on you too~~~ 

And there were times I felt like aku bergantung dengan hang too much. I was too comfortable. The thing is, aku tak suka rasa macam tu. Aku tak suka rasa seperti hidup bergantung dengan orang. Bergantung dengan hang by means, when I have problems I'll share with you. Especially regarding my studies. Lagipun, hang pun ada kerja hang sendiri, hang pun tengah belajar juga, tak nak ganggu. So I decided to put a gap between us until I didn't realise that kita dah tak macam dulu, kita dan tak cerita-cerita, or randomly talking about current issues and etc. And the worst, aku dah tak ingat tentang hang maksud aku, hang belajar tahun berapa and all. Time flies so fast, man and yeah. Sumpah sedih but what to do. I did that, to us. I started it first. 

Yes, I tried to talk to you back simply just to know your well being but something stopped me. And sometimes I feel like I'm a nuisance to you lewls~ I did one day, contact you but it felt different. Like, you were cold to me and so I decided not to prolonged the conversation. Maybe just maybe I did hurt you too. But I hurt too. 

So continue, to be honest aku bebetul rasa that you are one of the reasons I managed to survive in law school till I got into degree in law too. I really appreciate segala apa yang hang pernah bantu aku. Bila aku tak yakin pada diri sendiri, when I was in doubts and all. And remember the thing hang buat "open this when you are sad, happy, etc...." That. Yup, I appreciate that too. It helped.Thanks a lot dude. 

I'll pray the best for you. I know you are a good guy & friend , smart but a bit dramatic (lewls) and caring lah. Yyea... I miss you and know that I never forget you. I may be cold or rude to you sometimes but please consider that as I'm having PMS (eventhough I'm not at that time) LOL. Kbye.

Hahaha, that's all. Actually too much things to say but I could't put it into words. Thank you for everything. Take care there.

:: NN :: 

Saturday, March 11, 2017

2017

Salam alaik, hi! Okay, sebenarnya nak update pasal lain, nak cakap pasal lain but unfortunately my brain kenot brain sekarang ni because I'm so sleepy but I cannot sleep sebab tengah update ios and esok ada flight pulang ke Ganu, back to my student punya life and daa daaa daaa...

So nak cakap pasal perkembangan je lah while waiting for a few minutes untuk ios selesai update! Yiehaaa!--- Okay, it's quite challenging and so many troublesome things are happening to me but not that major-annoying-troubles I had faced last year. This semester (my 5th semester because I had a short semester last year---WAJIB), I think, not as bad as last semester. MAYBE, just maybe this semester I may improve my grades and cgpa sebab last semester was such a DOOMED! Hahahaha---but I'm still grateful, alhamdulillah no repeat paper---so far... 

Well, ouh ya, baru pindah rumah and memang banyak kerejeeeee cuti midsem ni but worry not---banyak barang-barang sudah ku unpacking before balitttt ke Ganu (krohhh krohhh), and yes still a few left tak unpack lagi ouh well, no place to put and some are not my things, you better unpacking them by yourself cc my brothers hahaha. 

What else? Hmmm, Happy International Women's Day, ya I know not today but still am not too late wishing it here. Women, women are awesome and incredible, I must say. I am a woman. Yup :P Hahaha. You may define that in various ways. As a married woman, or as an independent woman blablabla...as what you wish~ Me? I'm not sure to define me as what-woman, but I know my Mak! Mak as a married woman with 3 children. Must had a challenging life and she did put her life at risk three times while mengandungkan kami-me and brothers LOL. She made a lot of sacrifices, I noticed some of them but there must be loads of sacrifices lagi which I failed to see... Okay banyak lagi nak elaborate but dah update ios andddddddd i am sooooo mengantuk I should go to sleep! Kalau rajin akan edit balik but if not, yup that's the improper end of my post lol! 

Have a nice day ahead, salam alaik fi amanillah!

:: NN ::



Wednesday, January 25, 2017

2016

2016.
Assalamualaikum… Masih belum lewat kot untuk wish Happy New Year (LOL)!!! ^^,  Maaf lama menyepi sebab busy dengan life as a student ceh… haha. Sekarang baru faham kenapa kekawan bloggers yang masuk sahaja universiti especially sambung degree, terus lenyap menyepi. Rupa-rupanya ku pun sebegitu rupa hahaha. How was my 2016? Sejujurnya, peh memang tahun paling mencabar dan boleh kata tahun dimana diri ini hit the rock bottom! Tahun kejatuhan. Jatuh segalanya. Hahaha. I went through a lot of pains, emotionally and mentally.

Permulaan 2016 agak baik. Dan I got anugerah dekan. Alhamdulillah. One of my targets tercapai. Ada lah beberapa target 2016 tercapai. But sukar, duka dan kesedihan tu jauh lebih banyak. Melepasi pertengahan tahun rasanya, I feel like tahun 2016 sangat panjang. Dan rasa macam each and every day, I’m dying hahahaha. Little by little. Rasa terlalu penat dengan segalanya. I went through a few days of kemurungan (but not so serious hahaha tapi memang rasa murung sungguh). I am usually orang yang sangat positif, punya emosi dan mental yang sangat kuat. Tahu handle everything about myself, but not last year. Last year, I just lost myself. I do not even know who I am anymore. That hurts me so much. When I feel I am no longer me, myself. Apabila orang tanya, ‘Apa maksud tak rasa macam diri sendiri? Macam mana diri you sebenarnya. Why, how rasa tak macam diri sendiri…’ and blablablaaa… I’m sorry, I couldn’t explain because ia sesuatu yang tak dapat diungkap dengan kata-kata. Sesuatu yang tidak boleh diterangkan secara lisan. I am the only one yang faham, tahu dan rasa. Not like I am not being myself or faking, tapi I just feel like THIS IS NOT ME. Itu permulaan stress 2016.

Of course, I laughed, I smiled… tapi dalam hati, and ketika sendirian tu, Tuhan sahaja yang tahu. I cried a lot last year lewls! Selalunya, diri ni sejenis yang kurang memerlukan support and really independent and boleh fikir almost-most of the time secara rational, tenang and cool. But not last year! I truly needed my friends’ support, and of course family as well. Friends---, kawan-kawan jauh dimata dekat dihati. My primary/secondary schoolmates, also my foundation-mates. They were with me and kept checking on me. They listened to me, without judging me. They gave me a lot of wise words. They knew how to comfort me. I am truly grateful. Korang tahu lah siapa korang :) Even every little word or action I appreciate much. Ada yang menambah garam diluka, I was struggling and secara mental and emosi mana lah nak stabil! Buttttt, the way he/she comforted me likeeee, uh oh… Nevermind, lepas ni tahu lah, dia bukan orangnya untuk aku mendapatkan semangat or nasihat ke apa. Hahaha.

Also, I am still struggling living here in Terengganu. Not because of Terengganu. Terengganu is such a nice place :) But the circumstances and because of some people here. Ada one day tu, at one point I felt ‘that’s it. I’m so done!’ Kebetulan ada cuti 4 hari kot time tu. Cuti Diwali ke? Tak ingat but I packed my things and I went back home. Sebelum tu my Abah called me. I was struggling inside out at that time. And selalunya dapat cover but at that time I couldn’t say anything and I just cried. I said I wanna go home even cuti sekejap. Abah suruh balik and discuss things. So yeah I went back and discussed a few things with my Abah :)  I decided not to cerita banyak mengenai ni. Mula-mula macam nak try to share in detail but kelamaan I think, nah, nevermind. If benda ni berulang lagi pada tahun ni, 2017, and orang yang sama juga puncanya, I’ll definitely share it. Kalau boleh siap nak tulis nama lagi. Hahaha nah kidding. I didn’t really blame anyone but I couldn’t ignore the fact that memang ada orang buat rebut jugak. Hahahaha. Sorry NOT sorry.

What is my solution to overcome masalah-masalah pada tahun lalu, 2016 is, I’ll try not to care sangat pasal orang. Cuba untuk utamakan diri sendiri dulu walaupun ia sebenarnya bukanlah ada dalam diri ini sangat. I mean, dari kecil membesar dengan nilai jaga orang, like utamakan orang dulu semua blablabla then tiba-tiba nak berubah sikit supaya tak terlalu fikirkan orang, tak terlalu cuba memahami orang so..yeah. The problem sebenarnya yang diri ni jenis mudah tahu pasal orang sampai timbul rasa simpati, empati and rasa even orang tu buat salah pun, tak boleh nak marah because I know, why he or she behaves like that. I am a person yang mudah untuk memahami orang, then berbaik sangka then, not going to judge but at the end, diri sendiri terasa hati. Is okay kalau orang tu sendiri bagitau straight to my face anything but I am not going to find out his or her state of mind ke feeling ke mood ke or whatsoever daaaaa….. hahaha. I am truly tired and if tertahu anything pun I’ll just close my eyes, my ears and my mouth and buat tatahu je lah. Kalau orang tu sendiri approach to share ke to luahkan ke apa then okay. If not, kalau ada cakap belakang ke terasa belakang ke apa I’ll just close my eyes and all. Not going to care, you take care of yourself, your emotions and feelings by yourself. That’s it. Also ada a few more solutions but I’m still thinking of it to do or not to do.
So actually ada panjang lebar gila gila gila nak share but I decided not to disclose everything because I’m in a good mood now so here’s my first post in 2017 and also setelah sekian lama berdiam diri dalam dunia blogging. Sorry! Will blogwalking nanti nak tengok those little kids and babies anak-anak kawan bloggers dah membesar mana or maybe dah masuk anak ke-2 ke apa oh myyyyy! Will visit you guys soon! Take care! Assalamualaikum.

ps: Sorry it took me longer than I expected to post! Sebab INTERNET/WIFI TAK ADA. Manusia hanya mampu merancang. Tuhan yang menentukannya ^^, hiks


:: NN ::